I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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