You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
