Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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