How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
