Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
