I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
