Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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