Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
