i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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