somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
