Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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