Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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