Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
