there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
