There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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