Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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