Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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