Joe is yelling at the trees again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
