its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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