You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
