went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's how pantless uber rides happen
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
