yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
