This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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