you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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