Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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