Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
