i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
