A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
