I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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