I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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