There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
