I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
