Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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