i think i have two assholes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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