Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
