I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
