I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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