he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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