Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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