So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My penis needs a shock collar
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
