Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
