I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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