wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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