dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
