Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
