I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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