I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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