I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
