I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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