I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
