ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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