Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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