I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
