I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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