I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
