there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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