well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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