Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
