Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
