im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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