i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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