she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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