whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
