We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
