She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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