Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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