I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
