Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
